Derek gets heartburn from a listener, Romaine gets her cake fix, Rudy Giuliani reaches for the stars, Jonathan in LA talks Big Brother, Dolly Parton makes Colbert cry, Matthew McConnaughy turns down money, Rick from the Pig talks Dolly and making money, Windy City Rehab, Patterson drama, Pat Robertson dreams of the end times, Cleveland art project gets police calls, mask drama, TeamStephen talks intern program, Hooker Hotline, Timothy Timeshifter casts his vote, Larry in CT talks Flipper, Mara in Mass talks Barbie, DNR talk pagers, IMDB saves us, The Pope supports civil unions, Craig in CA talks gay rights, and dating hot people after a breakup.